Written by John Hussey
Ever since Marvel Studios brought out Iron Man in 2008 the entire shape of Hollywood changed forever, with the superhero genre sky-rocketing out of control in a brand-new, exciting direction. Marvel had previously gone bankrupt and ended up selling the distribution rights to a lot of their franchises and characters. This has led to some pretty good interpretations of their beloved characters and some really shocking ones that we dear not speak of in case the armies of darkness rise up to destroy us.
Back in the day when 20th Century Fox were producing their X-Men films, and Sony Pictures where producing their own Spider-Man films, we didn’t seem to stop and ask whether or not the content we were receiving was deemed bad. I’ll be one to admit that I’ve never fully liked Fox’s vision of the X-Men franchise (which I’ve began to reveal within my slow – but sure – X-Men review series), nor have I ever really liked the original Spider-Man films.
A lot of you will probably be shocked at the latter but it’s simply about preference and the fact it never fully sold to me. Yes, they were good but I always felt there was something off about them. Whether they were cringe-worthy, often corny, or just badly developed as stories. Also, I think the casting for those films was really fucking terrible at times, with a lot of the actors either feeling out-of-place or just really dull. And I really, really, really can’t stand Mary Jane Watson screaming all the time, it goes right through me and practically makes my ears bleed.
Of course us nerds were shown the light when Marvel Studios began to reclaim what was rightfully theirs and showed us what a “great” superhero film looked like. What makes me love their films so much is how accurate they can be compared to their comic-book counterparts, whether it be the story, the character’s development, or the way everything looks. It feels like the films came straight from the panels of a Marvel graphic novel. Not only that we have the extremely exciting premise of a shared universe where all these different heroes can come together, which ultimately expands their individual universes, whilst giving us endless possibilities.
And then you look back at the other Marvel films and realise the awful truth: they weren’t that good. Okay, some of them still stand tall. For me particularly I still like the Blade films (after you take Blade: Trinity out of the equation). But a lot of them lost their value because you realise that they just didn’t represent the comics they were based off and felt more like cheap knock-offs, without a soul or true care, resembling something that just got churned out in an attempt to make Hollywood more money.
Marvel Studios, on the other-hand, wanted to give back to the fans and have been making up for lost time to give us want we really want, combining their efforts to please both the fandom and the general public (which is a challenge in itself). Sadly, things aren’t all rainbows and unicorns as extremely annoying obstacles still stand in the way of Marvel Studios’ dreams of creating the perfect comic-book film universe. Since they sold the distribution rights to a lot of their characters it means they can’t produce films for them. Although they have done extremely well to get a lot of them back, but there are still some vital key members still missing from the deck.
Fox is the biggest culprit at the moment because they own both the X-Men and the Fantastic Four. What makes matters worse is the simple fact they have done mostly terrible things with these characters. With just simple observation I can easily see that they haven’t got a clue what they are doing, and in the process of trying to desperately make money off them they’ve essentially butchered the franchise, making it harder for anyone to take them seriously anymore. Fantastic Four, sadly, have undergone too many backdoor treatments to the point where their arseholes simply can’t take another rough pounding.
Though the first two films weren’t too terrible they weren’t by any means masterpieces either. It’s a massive shame because they are really interesting characters and have a lot of potential onscreen, especially when you consider they have one of the greatest Marvel villains to face, i.e. Doctor Doom. But, in a petty scheme to keep the rights Fox decided to churn out a film at the last minute, preventing Marvel Studios to regain the distribution rights. It was completely pathetic and the result was a complete massacre, resulting in a film that was so bad, so mind-numbingly shit that I’m pretty sure everyone that viewed it wanted to blow their own brains out just to ensure it was wiped from their memory.
Granted, I haven’t actually seen the film. I’ve only heard how bad it is. And because of that I don’t want to go near it, not even with safety googles and a biohazard suit. Blind curiosity couldn’t even make me venture near this steamy pile of shite because I have common sense, and I want to live till I’m at least 90 thank you very much. I don’t intend to have a mental breakdown before I’m thirty and then end up rocking backwards and forwards in a rubber room whilst the doctors try sedating me, calmly telling me, “It’s alright, the 2015 reboot of Fantastic Four was only a film,” to which I loose my mind all over again whilst screaming, “You don’t understand! Fox must be stopped before they kill again!!”
It’s also shocking that they have the biggest Marvel franchise under their belt and again haven’t really done anything with it except doing it up the arse, trying desperately to see if their floppy, unsatisfying cocks can find the clitoris before realising the obvious fact. They’re not pleasing anyone! I actually find myself scratching my head from time to time and wonder how these big corporations get things so wrong. Is it the policy of Hollywood to fuck up so much, or have all the intelligent producers, directors, and writers, all but died out, which would explain why barely any films that come out each year are any good.
I suppose the tragic thing in all of this was the fact that I actually liked The Amazing Spider-Man series. Don’t worry, I’ll soon be hiding in my bomb-proof bunker where I can avoid your death threats. They had a certain charm, the characters were interesting, the story kept me intrigued (and entertained), and just seemed like the kind of Spider-Man films I wanted to go out and see. But sadly they were taken away from me. I will forever be left with questions to answers I will never fucking get. Fucking Sony.
What annoys me is I would usually go to the ends of the Earth and back to defend Sony, simply because their gaming division is my personal favourite (so fuck you Microsoft and Nintendo!) and I generally like their film division, and now they did the noble thing and actually made a deal with Marvel Studios. Although they haven’t outright handed the “Friendly neighbourhood Spider-Man” back to Marvel, but at least he’s being allowed to be included within the Marvel Cinematic Universe via a joint contract. Yay to baby steps! At least that’s more than can be said about fucking Fox and their bullshit, whiney, and downright pathetic attitude.
Honestly, it was a glorious day to see Spider-Man rock up at the end of the Captain America: Civil War trailer. Without a doubt every nerd across the planet ruined their big boy pants with the biggest nerdgasm known to man. Although we were all hesitant as to what this deal meant, especially when it came to the factors of “how integrated was he within the MCU”. The daft thing is this deal made perfect sense and appeared to be an all-round win-win situation. Sony would gain a shit ton of money by making Spider-Man successful again, Marvel Studios have creative control over him, and the fans get a good set of films, as well as seeing Spider-Man interact with the Avengers.
But recent news, statements, and general speculation has led to fans to question Spider-Man’s fate. Sony seem to be pulling some crafty tricks as they begin scheduling none-MCU related content, such as a Venom Spin-off, and a spin-off featuring Silver Sable/Black Cat. I really don’t know what to say about this apart from, “What the flying fuck is going on?” They had a great deal with Marvel Studios and now they want to piss around with ideas about spin-off films for their own deluded continuity. Someone best remind them of their financial situation and the fact that if they don’t buckle up their ideas soon they won’t have a company left.
I’m just really worried about Spider-Man at the moment and that Sony’s crappy decisions could possibly ruin his image, to the point where even Marvel Studios will find it hard to bounce back with him. And this will be a massive fucking shame, considering he’s just found his way home (which makes Spider-Man: Homecoming a fantastic title to represent this fact). At the moment these films make no fucking sense, even more so because they will be stand-alone films aside from the current continuity and won’t even feature Spider-Man, let alone Tom Holland.
And then comes the worrying idea that after the sequel to Homecoming Sony will no longer be collaborating with Marvel Studios, which means Spider-Man’s time within the MCU will be short-lived. I really thought this deal was perfect and actually benefitted everybody but it seems like there’s still a jackass in the works trying to sabotage everything. There’s even some rumours going around that Sony believe after the guaranteed success of Homecoming they’ll be back in the good books with fans, thereby they’ll have the power to produce their own content again, hence the spin-off films that will eventually lead to their own shared universe (similar to their failed attempts with The Amazing Spider-Man series) with Holland’s Spider-Man destined to join it after his second film.
This all sounds like complete bullshit and I’m hoping the other speculations are true, in that this is all a plot in order to make themselves look better for buying purposes. Hopefully if Sony are selling their film division Disney will swoop in and buy the rights back for Marvel Studios. Which comes to my fucking point in all this random rambling. I really believe it’s about time that Sony and Fox realised that Marvel Studios holds all the cards and that their films will always be better.
Now I know that Fox has gotten lucky with some of their recent hits, i.e. Deadpool and Logan (with the latter being claimed as one of the best superhero films of all times), but that doesn’t excuse the fact that the majority of their films have been a load of shit, and pretty much despised by the fandom.
It’s about time that they just get down on their knees and suck Marvel’s big massive golden cock and then bend over and become their bitch. Jokes aside, it would be the most civil option for all these companies to stop trying to play the pissing competition and admit that they need each other in order to make a better profit. By working together they will ultimately have the best possible product and everybody wins. I know it’s simply a game of pride and meaningless competition (because it is Hollywood after all and everyone’s out to see who’s got the bigger dick) but it’s really damaging these terrific characters and franchises, which is totally unfair to the fans.
I really think that Fox and Sony need to come to their senses, stop pissing around with their own deluded ideas of what they think should happen with these characters and just collaborate with Marvel Studios. Or failing the fact that they just can’t do that, and are still failing to make things work on their own, they need to sell the rights back. Simple as. What’s the point of holding onto products if you can’t use them properly. Just do yourselves a favour and stop making a complete arse of yourself.
I hope this article served to have a point. I apologise if it didn’t and I was just playing the role of “Captain Fucking Obvious” but I think with all the recent news I just wanted to vent out my opinions on the matter. I get really pissed off when I know something’s broken and it can be easily fixed if the person in question just did this and this but flat out refuses because they either don’t know what their doing, refuse to spend money on it, or quite frankly don’t give a toss and would rather play the role of the greedy twat. Maybe things won’t ever change with this situation but one can live in hope, and until then I’ll wait patiently until Fox and Sony fuck up so hard that they have no choice but to surrender to Marvel Studios and just give up on their lost cause.