Okay guys, the only reasoning I would have any reason to put this trailer up on my site is because A) It actually looked good (meaning it’s actually looking to be a faithful sequel to Jumanji [which is a fucking classic I might add!]), or B) It’s a massive fucking pile of shit that Sony concocted up just to make us even more pissed-off at them than we already were. And, you guessed it, it’s the former!
I really wish that were true. Nope. Sony has once again thought something “horrendously bad” was a good idea when in it obviously wasn’t. Remember Ghostbusters  (to which I didn’t bother seeing because I’m not fucking stupid), well you can call this fucking monstrosity Mark II.
Jumanji was a brilliant film, and one of Robin William‘s finest films (at least in my opinion), filled with so many dark, and yet fun, ideas that created the ultimate adventure journey as you had to survive a fucking board-game. So, naturally, when a sequel was announced I became very fucking anxious, but to give it the benefit of the doubt I read-up on it and discovered Dwayne Johnson, Jack Black, and Karen Gillan were attached to the project and this made me think, “Well, it might not be that bad if these fine actors are attached to the project.”
I was fooling myself to think that could ever happen…
Watching this trailer nearly made me want to gouge out my own eye-balls and then shove them in my ears so I could be spared the pain of having to listen to it. At first the concept of turning Jumanji into a video game seemed okay as a concept, adding something a little different to the mix, but then this sequel quickly trips over itself so hard that I don’t think it knows whether it wants to be a parody or a serious film. The kids are teleported into the game and become the avatars of their characters, resulting in some of the most awkward, and cringe-worthy, comedy I have ever seen, all revolving around them adjusting to their bodies (particularly Black because he’s a woman – that pretty speaks for itself).
As for the rest of the trailer, it just looks extremely dull, lacking any real identity or soul for that matter, and doesn’t even remotely resemble the original (let alone represent it). This isn’t a Jumanji sequel, it’s a fucking disaster that puts shame to the original title. I hope Williams isn’t looking down on us this day because I’m pretty sure he’d be appalled by this fucking cheap knock-off (or maybe he’d just point and laugh at it, who knows?) The bottom-line is, Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle isn’t just as bad as you’d expect, it’s fucking worse, and I think it’s about time Sony learnt their fucking lesson and just gave-up filmmaking because their just no fucking good at it anymore.
I guess all I can dare you to do is watch this monstrosity yourself and tell me in the comments below whether you agree or disagree (although I guarantee most of you will share the same opinion, screaming out-loud, “What in the Holy-Fucking-Hell is this piece of fucking trash? Sony you fucked-up [again]!”)